By Your Side (New York City Fixers Book 2) Read online

  Shawn was very happy for her since it was obvious she was having the time of her life. Sadly, his story didn't seem to be heading in the same direction.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Inviting Shawn to the gym backfired even worse than Alicia had initially thought. Ever since he'd started working out with Carlos, her time at the gym reached a new level of frustration that had nothing to do with paperwork and her brother's mess.

  Yeah, you should've known better. The voice in her head sounded like Macey, and Alicia sighed, getting up from the office chair to take a drink from the mini-fridge. Pulling out a can of soda, she glanced through the window to where the source of her frustration was finally starting to stand his own against her brother. Sure, Carlos could still put him down if he really wanted to, but Shawn made it harder for him now.

  She stared at Shawn's back in his black undershirt, the play of his muscles glistening under the lights above the ring. She took a sip of her drink as her gaze moved down his back to his ass and lower. Men's legs had never done much for her, but she stared at Shawn's calves as if she was hypnotized. He moved around a lot, sometimes jumped a bit in place, and she pictured running her hands up his legs, starting from his ankles, over the muscles of his calves, and up to his thighs. She pictured herself bracketed by those thighs, down on the bed as Shawn hovered over her, with his black undershirt still sticking to his body after the practice. She swallowed against the vision of herself pushing up to lick the exposed skin of his shoulders and neck. She wanted to put her hands under that shirt and—

  The office door opened, and Alicia barely managed to avoid pouring her soda all over herself.

  "Damn it!"

  Dante paused in the entrance. "You okay?"

  "Yeah, I'm fine. I didn't expect anyone to come in, and I was lost in thought." She walked back to the desk. "You startled me."

  "Sorry." Dante looked at her and her drink, then glanced out of the window onto the training area.

  Alicia could feel herself blushing, but she pretended nothing was wrong as she sat down. "I needed a break from these damn papers."

  "Hopefully, it was... entertaining."

  Dante raised his hands in the peaceful gesture when she shot him a glare.

  "Don't say anything."

  "I told you what I had to tell you about that, so the rest is up to you."

  "Exactly. Thank you." She nodded quickly. "Now, tell me where the forms are from the last week sign-ups, because you keep telling me you have a system, but if there's a method in this madness, I'm not seeing it."

  "The second drawer on your right."

  Alicia narrowed her eyes at him, but when she opened the drawer, the forms were right there. "They weren't here on Friday," she muttered.

  "Yeah, because then they were in the first drawer. Or in Carlos' locker. Sometimes he keeps the current week's forms there."

  "Why— No, you know what, I'm not going to ask." She shook her head. If she was going to understand her brother, it would've happened already. After so many years, it was apparently a lost cause.

  Dante shrugged. "It's a part of his system."

  "I despair for whomever you'll finally hire to take care of these things. Hopefully, they will bring their own system with them, one that will actually make sense."

  "Maybe that's the reason we're dragging our feet, ever thought about that?" her cousin said, but there was a smirk in the corners of his mouth, so she hoped he was joking.

  But before she could say anything, the phone rang, and she picked it up.

  "Cordero Gym, how can I help you?"

  "Alicia, good, I was hoping to catch you."

  Alicia slumped in her chair and mouthed 'Mom' to Dante. It would take a while.

  ***

  Both Alicia and Shawn let out a sigh as they got into the back of the car and sat down. They looked at themselves and chuckled.

  "Hard practice?" she asked, leaning her head back to rest on the back of the seat. She wanted to close her eyes, but didn't dare.

  "Hard practice and a really long day," Shawn said, slouching in his seat. "You?"

  "Hard day and a really long phone call with my mom."

  His lips twisted in half a smile. "Ah."

  "She can talk the ear off of anybody, but she tends to take even more time with her children. Is your mom like that, too?" She didn't think she was crossing any boundaries by asking.

  "No, but I had a grandmother like that. I remember mom was constantly glued to the phone." Shawn smiled softly. "And when I was a kid, the phone in our house had a cord, so it wasn't like it is now."

  Alicia winced at the mere thought of being stuck in her chair and unable to do anything while her mom was chattering on. If she was home, usually she could do quite a bit of cleaning during these calls.

  "My mom is very to the point," Shawn continued, "maybe because her mother was the complete opposite. She calls me when something happens, rarely just to talk, but I don't know what she would do if I stopped calling her regularly." He gave Alicia a crooked smile. "Probably call in the artillery."

  "The real one or Nate and Dean?"

  Shawn threw his head back as he laughed, and Alicia couldn't take her eyes off of him—the line of his neck, the crinkles in the corners of his eyes, the momentary loss of tension he carried around.

  "That was a nice one. I'll have to tell the guys," he said when he calmed down and looked at her with a soft smile.

  "Please, don't."

  He chuckled. "Okay, it will be our secret. But I think the guys would love you for calling them that."

  Alicia nodded. "Maybe, but still. I probably shouldn't be joking behind their backs when they're my bosses."

  She watched him instantly change—the easy lines were gone, turned into a frown and a straight line of his mouth.

  "Neither of them would mind," Shawn told her, but he dropped her gaze quickly, staring at the back of the front seat instead.

  She wanted to take her words back, wanted to return to the easy mood they had between them, funny and somehow private even if Matt was probably hearing every word they didn't whisper. But it was already too late, and besides, all she did was tell the truth.

  Above all else, these three were her bosses, and she had to remember that. Maybe Shawn was hurt she redrew that line, but it wasn't an imaginary one. It was just the one Alicia tended to forget about, swept away by Shawn's charm and the trio's friendliness.

  If she needed to reinforce it every once in a while to save her own sanity, that was what she was going to do.

  ***

  Of course, she could also completely forget about these lines the very next day.

  She was in the middle of filing yesterday's cases when Shawn leaned over her desk.

  "I've got an idea." He grinned at her in a way that made everything in her shiver, and she had to curl her toes to stop herself from showing any reaction.

  "What is it?"

  If her voice sounded a little breathless, he thankfully didn't notice.

  "I swore off dating and social life, but we agreed with Nate yesterday that I'm allowed to go out every once in a while. And there's an event I really want to go to this Friday—The Annual Benefit for the Firefighters' Association."

  She smiled at him and nodded, waiting to see where this was going.

  "Would you like to accompany me?"

  Alicia blinked. And then blinked again. He was still here, and he seemed to be waiting for her reply.

  "I'm sorry, what?"

  "I don't want to go there alone. I will, if I have to, but I'd much prefer company. I'm not dating until this thing is over, but with you, it wouldn't be dating. So that's perfect for me. But only if you want to, of course. It's not in any way a job requirement, I just thought—" He frowned. "I thought you might like that."

  Alicia's loudly beating heart seemed to be stuck at with you, it wouldn't be dating.

  With you, it wouldn't be dating.

  Of course not.

  "So, would you li
ke to go?"

  She made the mistake of looking up at him again, seeing his earnest smile and his…everything. She should say no, she should not let herself do this, but her body wasn't listening to her, wasn't listening to all the alarm bells.

  She nodded.

  Right after, she opened her mouth to say no, to tell him she had plans, something, anything. But his smile only grew bigger, and her traitorous throat closed up at the sight.

  "Great, that's awesome," he said, straightening and patting the counter before stepping away. "We'll talk details later, okay? I have that call with Judge Lopez in five minutes."

  Alicia nodded again and watched him go, and when he disappeared down the corridor, she put her head in her hands with a litany of quiet curses.

  "You okay?" Dean asked, suddenly appearing at her desk, and she straightened in her seat as if someone pulled her up by the strings.

  "Yes, yes, I'm fine. What can I do for you?"

  He raised his eyebrows, and she did the same. Finally, the corners of his mouth turned up a bit, and he shook his head.

  "Fine, have it your way. Here are the files for the Thompson and Chez cases. I'm done with them. The list at the top is the thing I need Kevin to take care of when he shows up. If he has questions, he can drop by anytime after two, since I will be done with any appointments by then."

  She nodded and noted what he told her on the top of the list for Kevin. "Okay."

  Dean hesitated like he wanted to say something more, but finally he just shook his head and left. Alicia didn't know what that was about, but he wasn't talkative on his best days, so maybe it was nothing.

  She added the Thompson and Chez files to the stack of folders still waiting to be filled and went back to work. Trying to figure out the inner workings of her bosses was not in her job description, and she needed to remember that more often.

  Sure, the voice at the back of her head told her. That will definitely help you on that non-date on Friday.

  She was so screwed.

  CHAPTER TEN

  The Annual Benefit for the Firefighters' Association was held in one of the nicest hotels in Downtown. It was always packed, but never flashy, and it attracted minimal attention from the press. All in all, the party seemed like a perfect opportunity for Shawn to stop hiding and get a break.

  He was lucky it was also the one event he wanted to go to the most.

  "This is my third time in a row," he told Alicia on their way to the hotel. "I really didn't want to miss it."

  "Is there something special about this benefit?" she asked, turning to look at him.

  The line of her neck was very distracting, and Shawn realized he was lucky she didn't put her hair up this way at work. He would be in a big trouble if he kept staring at her on a daily basis.

  He looked out through the window at the streets. "It kind of is, yeah." He frowned. It wasn't like the whole thing was a big secret, but it had been years since he'd talked about it, and he didn't know where to start. "Back when I was still working as a lawyer, I worked on this case, two firefighters suing the insurance company." He paused and closed his eyes as the memories of the two men came rushing back. "I was an associate on that case. I didn't even lead it, but..." He shrugged. "It didn't matter, in the grand scheme of things. I was still on the wrong fucking team."

  The silence that followed was as loud as a screeching sound to Shawn's ears. He didn't dare turn to face Alicia, didn't want to see the look on her face.

  He stared down at his lap when he felt her fingers slipping over his hand and squeezing it. He glanced up without thinking, and whatever he'd been afraid of moments ago—anger, disappointment, disgust—wasn't there. Her dark eyes held nothing against him—on the contrary, they offered support and understanding. Her grip on his hand only underlined it.

  "I'm sorry," she whispered, breaking the silence between them, and Shawn closed his eyes again for a second.

  "I'm sorry, too," he told her, just as quiet. He was both apologizing to her and expressing all the pent-up feelings about this case in the simplest way possible. Nowhere near what he should one day address, probably.

  "Did they lose?"

  He shrugged. "They settled. But they got much less than they deserved and not enough to..." He looked down at their joined hands again. "They didn't get enough. We'd bury them in paperwork for years, and they needed the money for treatment and rehabilitation. It's an old play in the lawyer's book. When they're desperate enough, they will say yes. And they were desperate." He tightened his fingers over Alicia's too hard, so he eased his grip immediately. "Sorry."

  She gripped him back. "It's nothing."

  They sat in silence for a while, but it wasn't as choking as it was before. Shawn's next words tumbled out of him almost without his conscious input.

  "All the lawyers who quit, they have that one case, the one that pushed them over the edge. That was mine."

  He could see Alicia nod in the corner of his eye.

  "Good," she told him next, louder than before. "I'm glad."

  Shawn chuckled humorlessly. "I'm glad, too. But it doesn't make up for the past."

  "Well, no, but that's not what it was about, right?"

  He turned to look at her, and she met his gaze head on.

  "You didn't quit to make up for the past, not really. You did it to stop acting like a person you couldn't like," she told him. There was no hesitation in her voice, no doubt it was the truth.

  And the thing was, it was the truth.

  "At the risk of sounding like my mother, it's what we do that counts," Alicia added with a small smile. "And you seem to do fine right now. I have an insider look on the cases all of you handle, and I can see what's not there. When you get to pick your cases, you make the right choices. That counts, too."

  Shawn relaxed a bit. Thinking about that case always made him go down the road he thought he'd left behind. He knew what kind of person he was, what kind of person he wanted to be. No one could force him to do anything. "Half the reason we started our own firm was choosing our own work," he told Alicia.

  "And the other half?"

  He turned one corner of his mouth up. "Well, money and power, of course."

  She rolled her eyes and shook her head, slipping her hand from his as she leaned back into her seat. He didn't notice she was leaning close to him before, but he did notice the loss of contact now. The space between them seemed much too big, and his fingers curled up into his palm.

  It's for the better, he told himself. He'd made a joke to pull them back from the darker corners, and she answered in kind, physically putting the space between them. And no matter how he might wish she didn't, it was for the better.

  It was.

  ***

  Shawn grinned as they walked into the hotel foyer. God, he missed it. There was something relaxing in doing this—going out, meeting people, and talking about whatever they wanted. No pressure, no expectations, only mingling.

  Shawn understood it better now, why he needed more than just a filler for all that free time—he needed a buffer, too.

  He turned to Alicia, who was looking around at everything. "You okay?" She had told him earlier she had no experience with benefits or even big parties outside of the weddings, so she would probably be a bit nervous.

  "I'm fine." She turned to him with a big smile, and Shawn blinked before he smiled back. He was reacting differently to her tonight, and he needed to get a hold of himself. It was not a date. He was here with Alicia, and yes, he'd known from the start she was attractive, but he'd promised himself to stop looking. And it had been working.

  It needed to start working again, right now.

  "We don't have to stay long, so if you want to leave at any point, tell me and—"

  "I know," Alicia cut in and chuckled. "You're acting more nervous than I am right now."

  He wanted to protest, but then realized that she might be right. He needed to relax and enjoy the evening.

  "Okay." He extended his arm in he
r direction. "Shall we?"

  She linked her arm with his and nodded. "Let's do this."

  ***

  "Shall we?" he asked once again, an hour later, when the couples started migrating onto the dance floor in the adjacent room.

  Alicia nodded and stood up. Shawn led her with a hand on her back, and even the light touch of his fingers against her spine sent a quick shot of adrenaline down his body.

  It only got worse as they danced. Shawn had to fight with himself not to pull Alicia closer against him, flush against his body. Her eyes looked even more beautiful from up close—and the dark eye shadow made them hard to miss.

  Shawn tried not to think too much about her in that dress, too, because he'd only embarrass himself. They might not be pressed too close together, but it wouldn't take her long to notice if he started getting hard.

  When in trouble, talk—that had been Shawn's mantra for most of his life, and it suited him just fine now. He entertained Alicia with stories about the guests he recognized and about some other functions he'd been at recently, before the whole mess with the Sheppards started.

  "I left when they started tossing glasses onto the floor behind their backs," he finished the retelling of one particularly memorable one, and Alicia started laughing, shaking in his arms. She lowered her head, and that meant resting it against Shawn's shoulder.

  He inhaled the smell of her perfume and closed his eyes. He might know it wasn't a date, but his body had a mind of its own. The heat spread through him, and his fingers tightened their grip for a second before he unclenched them.

  Alicia didn't notice as she was still trying to control her laughter. She raised her head up from his shoulder and looked away, though, and Shawn told himself it was better like this, when they kept their distance.